I'm feeling better today.
Not physically better.... no - I was sick again tonight - but emotionally better. Not because I prayed the perfect prayer, or because God swooped down to heal me.... but because since I posted this blog last night, people have been there for me.
People have commented or emailed me to say they are praying. My friends here asked me how I was doing and really listened when I answered. They've encouraged me and told me I don't have to go through this alone. And some of the sweetest, most beautiful women from back home have written me personal messages to let me know that they too have been through (or are going through) similar issues!
I would never wish this sickness on anyone, but it is comforting to know that there are women out there who really understand how I feel. There's a strength that comes from knowing you are not alone.
The crazy thing is, I almost didn't post that blog. I wrote it just to process what I was feeling, and planned to delete it afterwards. But my husband encouraged me to post it saying "Ericka, whenever you write something that's really vulnerable and difficult to share, God always uses it."
And so, I clicked publish. Thank goodness I did.
Satan always wants us to suffer in silence. He wants to keep us alone - separated from people who can love and support us. He wants to lie to us and fill our minds with fear. He wants us to be broken and afraid, with no one to encourage and reassure us.
But that's never what God wants for us! We were made to live in community! We were told to carry each other's burdens (Gal 6:2), to comfort one another (2 Cor 1) and to encourage one another (2 Cor 13:11). We are not supposed to suffer in silence. We are not meant to go through difficult times alone.
So, to all of you who've reached out to me recently, THANK YOU. To those of you who have prayed in the past and those continuing to pray, THANK YOU! God is using you to encourage me!
I am trying to keep my mind on positive things. I have struggled most of my life with fear, and I know while we are waiting to see a doctor (and while tests are being run) it will be easy to let my mind run away with all the terrible possibilities of what could be wrong. Please pray for me to not be fearful, and to be able to "set my mind on things above" (Col 3:2). I know that when I am weak HE is strong.... and I feel so blessed to know that so many of you are going to the Father and praying for healing on my behalf!