Well that's what I feel like right now.
Each time we've set up a phone meeting with an adoption agency we have walked into the water, hand in hand, full of hope. Each time we've believed we would make progress... even if it was just a few more steps into the water. And each time, we have been beaten half to death by a nasty wave. After a few days of crying, praying, and wondering what was next - we'd walk back into the water again... and again, one more time, we'd be beaten to death by a wave that landed us RIGHT back on the shore - the EXACT place we started.
And now... I'm a little sick of the water. And if I'm being REALLY honest, I'm bitter and angry about the fact that these stupid waves are ruining my day at the beach (if you know what I mean?) Instead of being excited about our adoption, I find myself feeling depressed, anxious, and hopeless. Every little thing reminds me that after months of trying we haven't made any progress. It is frustrating (and heartbreaking) beyond explanation.
I KNOW that there's a little girl out there, somewhere in Thailand, worth fighting for... but I am weary. Would you mind praying for me? I am trying hard to find the strength and courage to face the waves again.