Thursday, August 18, 2016

We're Still Waiting

Wait, and then wait again. Isn’t this the way of life? Nowhere are we promised an easy time just because we obey or come to what we believe is a capital-A Answer. But our Father waits too—both with us and for us. His Word says that He longs to be gracious toward us and show us compassion and mercy (Isaiah 30:18). “His steadfast love endures forever,” through all things, all the time, just like the psalm says (Psalm 118) []

I read this devotional about "Waiting As Obedience" a few weeks ago, and it really encouraged me. I read it again today because I needed to hear it all once more. As the author says, “Indefinite waiting is the worst kind of waiting”. So far we have waited 1,651 days for our daughter. Kate was alive and waiting for us for 1,316 of those days. And today - after all that waiting - we still have absolutely no idea when we’ll be allowed to go get her.

I have tried so hard to stay faithful during our long wait. Most days, I think I’ve done a pretty good job (of course not by my own strength at all - but only by the grace of God). But I’d be lying if I said I haven’t had some less than faithful days. There are times when all the grief, anger, and frustration catches up with me. I had one of those nights this week. I couldn’t hold back the tears, or the hard questions that grip my heart. I thought (and said) some things I’m not proud of. And unfortunately, I don’t know if any of my hard questions will ever be answered on this side of heaven.

But I do know that my daughter is worth every bit of grief, anger, sadness, frustration, and work that it has taken (and will take) to get her home. And I just keep holding on to that truth so that I don’t give up fighting for her. But today… fighting looks a lot like waiting. Waiting, waiting, and more waiting. I’ve found that the longer you sit in “the waiting room”, the easier it is for bitterness to find you. I’m trying hard to fight that today… to not let bitterness take root in my heart. 

I don’t have any big teachable moment to share with you today… or any kind of revolutionary encouragement. All I have is a little bit of honesty for where we are. We are still working to prepare for our daughter - in FAITH that she is coming home. This week we hung the gallery wall in her room, picked up her glider, and soon we will finish her bed. We are continuing to “prepare the field for rain”… even when it feels like we’re in a drought and we just can’t see any clouds. I think sometimes, that's what "waiting with obedience" looks like. Just continuing to put one foot in front of the other. Continuing to prepare for your miracle, even when you doubt it will come. Continuing to be faithful even when you don't feel faithful.

Our hearts were completely convinced that we got approval on August 3rd. We had SO much peace that that was “our day” -  but sadly our agency never delivered that news. There was another Thailand Adoption Board meeting last night. So the next few days we will muster up another round of hopeful expectation - just waiting on a phone call or email with good news of an approval. But I would be lying if I said it wasn’t getting harder and harder to muster up that hope. My heart is weary this week. Would you pray for renewed hope and faith for me? Would you also pray for redemption for our story? 

"In your waiting place, cling to the hope that God will not leave our stories unfinished or unredeemed. They may not look how we expected but, as with Ruth and Naomi, our story is His story. We can wait with hope, and we can trust and obey with confidence. Thanks be to God.” []


No comments:

Post a Comment