Worth It

A few months ago I was having what I call a "really hard adoption day" when God popped this song into my head. It's an older song - one that I haven't heard of thought of in years. So when it came to mind, I pulled it up to listen to it. (And I'm so glad I did!)

As it began to play, I was immediately overwhelmed with God's presence. I picked up my computer, walked into my daughter's room, closed the door and began to worship through tears as the words washed over me...

I don't understand your ways 

Oh, but I will give you my song 

I'll give you all of my praise. 

You hold on to all my pain 

and with it you are pulling me closer 

and pulling me into your ways. 

Now around every corner 

and up every mountain 

I'm not looking for crowns 

or water from fountains. 

I'm desperately seeking, frantic believing 

that the sight of your face 

is all that I'm needing. 

I will say to you... 

It's gonna be worth it, 

It's gonna be worth it,  

It's gonna be worth it all, 

I believe this. 

It's gonna be worth it, 

It's gonna be worth it,  

It's gonna be worth it all. 

God spoke so clearly to me that day through this song. He reminded me that all of this waiting... hoping... aching is going to be WORTH IT - because our daughter is worth it! She is worth every hard day... every bit of work... every moment of waiting. One day when she is in our arms, we will know for a fact that she was worth it all! (And now, having seen her sweet face, I can already tell you that is true!) He reminded me that someday, when she is safe and loved - here in our arms and in our home.... someday when she knows how much Jesus loves her and that He has a plan for her life... all this will be worth it!

But then... God took it a step further.

God reminded me of who I was when I started this process - and of how far I have come in the past 4+ years. He reminded me how much I have grown... how much my faith has grown. (And how that growth will make me a better mother to our sweet Kate when she is home!) He reminded me how much I have learned about Him... how I have seen His character in new ways... how real and true His faithfulness has become to me through this journey. And God spoke very clearly that this is why it our journey is ultimately worth it.

I do not believe for one second that God is making us wait for our daughter because He wants to teach me something. I do not believe that a loving God keeps mommies and daddies away from their babies... or leaves babies waiting for families in an orphanage. That kind of injustice comes at the hands of men - not from God. My God is a loving Father who sets the lonely in families (Psalm 68:6)... who gives good gifts to His children! (Matt. 7:11 & James 1:17) But I do believe that He is a redeeming God - one who does not waste anything. And I believe that He will take the brokenness and injustice that exists in the adoption world (because my goodness - it should not take so very long to become a family!) and He will use it for our goodness and His glory. And so, I know He has been using this wait (and every painful moment in it) to bring me into even closer relationship with Him.

And someday... when I get to heaven and see His face, I will know that ultimately THAT is what has made this wait worth it all.

So friend... whatever it is that you're waiting on... whatever it is that you're going through... you can trust that He is there for you, right by your side, drawing you near to Him in the waiting. And however hard your season is right now, please know that He will not waste one moment of it. If you let Him, He will change your heart in incredible ways, and show you more of Himself and His love than you've ever known. Someday, I promise, if you open your heart - you will see that this season was worth it, dear one. Hang in there, and lean in to what God is teaching you. It's gonna be worth it.

What's Next?

Now that we have finally been matched with our daughter (which we are thanking God for every day!) the #1 question we are getting is... "so, when do you get her?" Our quick response is, "We're praying for August!" Unfortunately, the complete answer isn't that simple. So I thought I'd write a blog explaining what is next in this process.

For months now, I've been feeling like we would travel in August. Even before we got matched, I told Rusty that I had this feeling that God was up to something big. I told him (and my brother and sister-in-love) a few weeks before we were matched, "I think we're going to get matched soon, and I think she's coming home quickly!" August has been very much on my heart.

I've felt this so tangibly, that we even turned down a photography job for the first week of September, because I am convinced we'll be in Thailand then. I have never felt so sure of anything - which is interesting, because I haven't had a clue about any of the timing thus far in our adoption! But saying out loud, "We are traveling in August" feels just as real to me as saying, "the sky is blue." The crazy thing is... nothing about this is logical.

Our agency has been telling us since we started this process 4 years ago that the time it takes to travel after matching is typically 6-12 months (or longer). The bigger, more popular agency is saying 10-15 months right now. I have never heard of anyone getting travel dates faster than 8 months. And yet here I am - praying and believing for a 4 month window. I know it seems insane... but I just can't shake it. I have such peace about this! And I know that my God is BIGGER than any timeline, and that He has the ultimate authority over every list of approvals. So we are praying and believing and preparing for August!

So... what's next? 

Article 16 (First Approval)

The next thing we are waiting on is our Article 16. This is a document, approved by the Thai Adoption Board, that says that we are allowed to adopt our daughter. One thing that is different with most Thai adoptions, is that the government agency presiding over adoptions (the Thai Adoption Board) doesn't see the adoptive parents' file, or the child's adoption file, until after matching. (I know it seems backwards, but it is just their process - and we trust that our orphanage director has all our paperwork in order!) So once they review our file and our daughter's file, they will approve our Article 16 (also called an adoption decree or "first approval").

This can take a long time. I know families that have been waiting for 9 months already. The reason it takes so long, is because the Thai Adoption Board only meets 2 days a month - typically the first and third Wednesday of each month. One of those meetings is happening right now - as I type this! So we have asked all our friends and family to pray through the night tonight that this will be our meeting! Again - we know it will take a miracle for this to happen so quickly for us, but we believe that God is at work in this. We recently found out that our Orphanage Director will be at this meeting in person, so we are hopeful that will give us some favor!

USCIS I-800

Our next step is filing some forms (and fees) with the US Immigration office. We have already filed our I-800A - which was the approval for us to adopt a Thai girl, ages 0-3. But once we have our Article 16 and Kate's file, we will need the US Immigration office to approve us to adopt this specific child.

DS-260

Once we have our Article 16 and I-800, we can file the DS-260 with the US Embassy in Bangkok, Thailand. This is (from what I understand) a form asking them to issue our daughter a visa to come into the US while we are in Thailand taking custody of her.

Thai Adoption Board Dates

Once we have our Article 16, Immigration approval, and Embassy approval - then we can schedule our travel dates and a date to appear before the Thai Adoption Board in person (the same people who approve our Article 16). This will be an interview after we take custody of Kate, and our final approval before leaving Thailand with her!

Post Placement Visits, Finalization in Alabama, and Finalization at the Thai Consulate

We are hoping to stay in-country with our daughter for 4-6 weeks after the Board Meeting to allow her time to adjust and attach. But once we are home, we're still not done! Many countries allow international adoptions to be final once the child is home on American soil - but not Thailand. (Honestly, while this is a lot more work for us, I do believe it is done out of love and concern for their Thai children! They want to be sure it is a healthy placement before things are finalized.) And so, we will be required to do 3 post placement visits with a social worker, more paperwork, finalization in a court in Alabama, more paperwork again, and finally a trip to the Thai Consulate in either Washington DC or Chicago to completely finalize our adoption in the eyes of the Thai government.

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So that's it! That's the (basic) run-down of what the rest of our process looks like. We still have a lot of paperwork, prayers, preparation - and unfortunately, waiting - do to. But we are confident that God has His hand on this process, and that our daughter will be in our arms soon!

Thank you to each and every one of you who are standing in FAITH with us and praying Kate home!

"Now FAITH is the substance of things hoped for,  the evidence of things not seen."

 - Hebrews 11:1 -

SaveSave

A Care Package for Kate

We had no idea that we would get the opportunity to send a care package to our daughter. I've heard of other families sending care packages to their children, but our agency never mentioned it to us. Even after matching, the only thing we were told that we could send was a "Welcome Album" of family photos (which we are still working on putting together). But a few days after we announced that we were matched, I was contacted by a fellow adoptive mom who was about to leave for Thailand.

Caitlin and I had connected before, because she volunteered 10 years ago at our daughter's orphanage (and wrote to tell me that the children there get really great care, which was a comfort!) This time she was writing to say that she and her husband were leaving for Thailand in about a week to adopt their little boy (so exciting!) and that they had a visit planned to our daughter's orphanage. She asked if I would like for her to take some gifts for our daughter - would I ever!?!

We quickly called our agency to get their okay, and their stance was to send what we wanted (keeping it small enough to fit in a shoebox) and that the orphanage staff would have the final say. Caitlin and her husband live in Oregon, so we knew we had to work quickly to get the package to them in time for their flight!

We set out to buy a few special things for our daughter. I knew almost instantly what I wanted - but it proved to be a little more challenging than I expected (on short notice). I went looking for a simple, pink cotton dress in a 3T, and it took NINE stores before I found one (I may or may not have cried in frustration in store #6 when everything cute was either a 2T or a 4T!) Luckily, after several trips all over town we finally found everything we wanted to send!

We ended up with a pink and purple ruffled dress, two packages of hairbows for her pigtails, some stickers, two small My Little Ponies, and a little Princess Belle figurine (obviously we know which princess I hope is her favorite!)

We also bought this sweet book, "Under the Same Moon" - which is about loved ones who are separated but loving each other from afar. I cried in the aisle at Khol's when I read it the first time! Rusty and I were able to take turns each reading a page at a time to her, so she'll be familiar with our voices. We also taped a photo of us onto the front and back covers, so she can see our faces each time she reads it.

My favorite addition though, was this little bunny! If you know me, then you know how much I love bunnies. (It's actually my husband's nickname for me). The very first thing we ever bought our daughter was a little handmade bunny in Thailand. So I really wanted to send her a stuffed bunny... but I also really wanted it to have a recording that would play our voices when she hugged it! I couldn't find anything ready-made that would work (Build-A-Bears were much too big) but the sweet girl at Build-A-Bear was very helpful! She sold us a voice box (and gave us a little heart too!) and shared some advice for cutting open and re-sewing a different stuffed animal.

I was lucky enough to find this sweet, soft bunny at Target, who had a music box inside. He came open easily once I found his back seam, and already had a little pocket inside for the voice box. I did a little bit of surgery on him to add the voice box, the sweet little heart from Build-A-Bear (that we covered in kisses and prayers), and some extra stuffing to make him softer.

We recorded ourselves saying "I love you" in Thai with her Thai nickname (Namfon), and "Mommy Loves You" and "Daddy Loves You" in English. Then my chiropractor had the great idea to add a few drops of lavender oil to the bunny (and all the other items we sent). We're hoping it will be soothing to our daughter, and that when we wear the same scent (the day we meet her) it might be something familiar that will help with her attachment.

All her gifts fit into this sweet little polka-dot bag. I included a note explaining everything, and telling them that the stickers and hairbows were for her to share with her friends (since her referral said she loves to share with the other children!) Then we were able to overnight it to Caitlin in Oregon (thanks to a sweet friend who covered the UPS expense! God bless you Kristin!)

Caitlin and her husband and son will be visiting the orphanage on June 6th (the night of June 5th to us here in America). Now we are hoping and praying that the staff will allow her to give our daughter our gifts, and to take photos and videos of Kate to send to us! We only have a few posed pictures, and to see some candid shots (or video of Kate) would be such a treat! We also sent a video to Caitlin of the two of us introducing ourselves to our daughter in Thai and English... telling her we love her so much, and that we can't wait to hold her in our arms. We are also praying they allow Caitlin to show the video of us to Kate! We are hopeful that these gifts will help Kate get to know our voices and faces, and be more comfortable with us when we finally meet her.

We're so grateful that Caitlin offered to do this for us. As you pray for her visit to the orphanage to go well, would you also pray a blessing over her family's adoption? Her son is just adorable, but he is still adjusting to this big transition and has just started bonding with his mommy and daddy. Last night they shared that he is sick and had to go to the doctor in Thailand to be treated for pneumonia. I know they would appreciate your prayers for healing and bonding during this time!

Kate's TV Debut

A few weeks ago I posted to Facebook looking for an adoption support group of some sort. We had just started the 5^th year of our adoption journey, and as we continued our lengthy wait I was looking for a more established support system. Several friends suggested we try a group at the Church of Brookhills, and so, on April 10^th we decided to visit. 

It was a small turnout that night, and we were blessed with enough time to really share our adoption story with the 3 couples that were there. As I recounted the difficulties and delays again, and felt all the emotions that come with the waiting one more time – something incredible happened.

I had a vision. (Some of you may think that’s crazy, but hear me out.) God gave me a flash in my mind – a memory actually – and an explanation of what He wanted to tell me through it – all in an instant.

He reminded me of a moment on our trip to Switzerland this Fall (a 5 day long layover we took on our way to Africa for work). There was an evening there when we were taking photos of a historic church, and began to hear the most beautiful music. We instantly stopped what we were doing and followed the sound – around the church… down the alley… down the block… across the street… and finally into an open air building on the corner where two exceptionally talented men were playing a violin and drum.

These two musicians were amazing. There was a small crowd gathered already, but the longer they played, the more it grew. I was captivated by their music. We listened for the longest time… even taking video clips to share with friends around the world. What a gift! An unexpected concert! It’s a fond memory.

As I thought about it all, God spoke very clearly. He said...

“Ericka… if those musicians had only played one song, you wouldn’t have had time to find them. Few people would have heard them. Very few people would have been able to enjoy the beauty of their music. But because they played song after song, there was time for a crowd to gather. Many people enjoyed their show – even people around the world who saw your video!  

This is true too for your adoption. I’m taking my time to gather a crowd to watch a show that will bring me glory.”

WOW.  What do you say to that? I told Rusty about it immediately, and shared it a few weeks later with my brother and sister-in-law. I told them, “I think God’s up to something big”.

Well friends… let me tell you what happened when we announced the wonderful news that we were MATCHED!

We had more than 1,000 people respond to the news (988 on my initial Facebook post alone!) on social media and my blog. Almost 2,000 people have read that blog post. We've gotten some of the sweetest calls and texts over the last few weeks, as well as congratulations in person! We’ve gotten gifts through the mail for Kate from dear friends in Kansas, North Carolina, and Georgia (and have been told there are others on the way). We've gotten messages from friends (and strangers) all over the world - from Botswana to Swaziland, South Africa, Thailand, India, Ukraine, Canada, China, and Hong Kong (just to name a few!) It is humbling to see how many people have been praying for us and our daughter, and following our story over the past 4+ years! 

Just seeing that response alone was enough for me to believe that He is “gathering a crowd”… but then something else happened that blew me away. The day we announced our news, we were contacted by a friend of mine who is a producer at a local TV station. I opened her message to read, “We want to do a story on you!”

And so, within a few days, the Fox 6 car was at our house, and a sweet reporter named Lydia was interviewing us. And before we knew it, our adoption story was being shared live on Fox 6 WBRC, and on the Fox 6 blog (with a link to our blog!) And then it was picked up by their sister station in Montgomery, WSFA!

“I’m gathering a crowd to watch a show that will bring Me glory…”

Baby Kate's Story on WBRC Fox 6 from Rusty Jackson on Vimeo.

I guess sometimes God is really literal. I never guessed the “show” would actually be on TV! Of course we think it's neat that our little girl's arrival in our lives was considered "news" here in Birmingham - because it certainly is BIG news to us! This is just one more way we can show her how special she is someday. 

We couldn't embed the clip from the website, but Rusty was able to use his camera and video it on our TV. You can watch his video of the clip above, or click through here to watch it on the Fox 6 site and to read the article.

We shared so much in our interview that of course didn’t make the cut (they only have so much time, and it’s hard to share 4 years in only 2 minutes!) but I hope that our segment did bring God glory… and more than anything, I’m praying that somewhere out there, someone was watching who’s been wondering if they should adopt. I hope our story showed them that these children are worth the wait (because they certainly are!)

We’ve been blessed to see God’s hand, once again, so evidently in our adoption. I’m so grateful that He speaks to our hearts, and that He is faithful to fulfill His promises! I can't wait to see what's next in this "show" He is putting on! 

It Takes a Village...

They say it takes a village to raise a child, and I am quite sure that's true. But as we have walked through our (long, difficult) adoption journey I will also add that I believe it takes a village to bring a child HOME!

We have had a pretty amazing village from the beginning of our adoption. Our family and friends (all over the world!) have been so supportive - and we saw that in full force when we shared the news last week that we were matched! The response to our news has been incredible!

Our first family picture! 

I wish more than anything that I didn't have to blur out her sweet face!

But outside our family - I have to say that some of the most excited people were our precious neighbors. Friends - these people are our real village... our day in and day out "take care of each other" tribe. We all look after each other's babies, pets, and homes. We chat in our front yards almost every day after work, and celebrate with block parties and cookouts all year long. And these people are the ones who have prayed and asked about our adoption more times than I can count... the ones who have listened to our heartache on hard days... the ones who have said, "I can't wait until your daughter is home!" right when we needed to hear it. So when we texted them the news on Monday afternoon, they were THRILLED! We actually had a crowd outside our door at 5:00 just waiting to CELEBRATE!!!

This isn't even half of the sweet friends who showed up to celebrate with us! 

I wish I could've gotten a picture of them all! We are blessed! 

We took to the front yard for an impromptu party and toasted to our news with pink lemonade, sparkling cider, and pink champagne as more and more neighbors trickled in. Some brought us flowers, some brought gifts, and one was so excited that he jumped out of his car (with it still running) to see our daughter's picture! There was laughter, tears, and CHEERS! It was such a sweet time! We were overwhelmed with how much LOVE is waiting on our baby girl!!!

If you can't tell - that is one excited Daddy popping a bottle of pink champagne for our neighbors!

I have never owned anything with red and white polka dots in my life - but I picked up this shirt on a whim a few weeks ago. 

So glad I had it in the closet so I could "match" our little girl! 

Here are some pictures of some of the precious kids (and their mommas) on our street seeing Kate for the first time. We have 14 kids on our street (with 5 more on the way through adoption and pregnancy!) - so it is a really special place. These babies are so sweet - and we know they will love and welcome our daughter well!

This little one is Piper (our next door neighbor), and she's just a few months older than our Kate. We just adore her - she is so spunky and spirited! She makes our street so much fun! The second she saw Kate's photo she announced with grandeur, "I'M GONNA SHER EVWEYFING WIF HER!" (Melt. my. heart.)

And this is Evie & Lydia (whose mommy's name is actually Kate too!) Lydia will look at our daughter's photo again and again and say, "Kate, Kate, Kate!" and Evie can tell you that Miss Ericka's baby is in THAILAND! Evie is just a few months younger than Kate, and they share a love for accessories and dancing. I know they are going to be fast friends!

Margo (the oldest girl on our street - in the polka dot shorts in these photos) has been particularly interested in our adoption from the beginning. She has asked regularly when our daughter is coming home, and why they (our agency) won't hurry up?! She has checked in on all of our latest news and asked if we would please teach her some Thai (so Kate will understand her when she comes home). She has said the sweetest things to me on some of my hardest days... so I couldn't wait to tell her our wonderful news! She is going to have so much fun playing with Kate when she's home!

One of the things that stuck out in Kate's file - that they repeatedly noted - is that she prefers playing with other children, she plays well in a group, and she shares generously. I know that it's no mistake that God placed us (a family with only one child) on a street that is overflowing with the sweetest playmates for our daughter! He is such a God of detail.

All of Kate's gifts from her neighbor friends 

(and my parents, who showed up at the end of the front yard party!)

We are counting down the days until our sweet girl is home and playing out in the front yard with the other Crestwood babies. We are so thankful for "our village" - every day... but especially on this sweet day as they shared our JOY.

We Are MATCHED!!!!!!!

I burst into tears when I typed those 3 words to title this blog. I can't even wrap my head or heart around it. We. are. MATCHED!!! It feels like a dream! After 4 years, 2 months, and 2 weeks of waiting for Kate, we are finally MATCHED with a beautiful little girl in Thailand!!! PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!!!

"The Lord is wonderfully good to those who wait for Him... "

~ Lamentations 3:25

Kate Jackson

Birthdate: January 19, 2013

Age: 3 years and 3 months

Height: 39 inches

Weight: 30.8 lbs

Place of Birth: Thailand

On Monday morning we saw our daughter for the very first time. I cannot put into words what that moment meant to us. To finally see the beautiful face of the little one we have been dreaming of for 50 months was absolutely surreal! I have cried an ocean full of happy tears, and Rusty and I have gone to bed each night this week with faces that hurt from smiling too much. We are overjoyed!!!

"The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with JOY!"

~ Psalm 126:3

As anxious as we were to see our Kate when we got the email - I am so glad that we took a few moments to wait and set up our camera. Thanks to our GoPro, we were able to capture the moment when we saw her for the first time, and I cry again every time I watch it. I am so glad that someday we'll be able to tell our little girl that we wanted her before she was even born, and show her that we loved her from the first second we saw her!

I wish more than anything that I could post her photo for all of you to see here and now - but we cannot share her photo* online due to regulations from Thailand. I will tell you though, that she is absolutely gorgeous! I could have never imagined that we would be lucky enough to be Mama and Daddy to such a darling child! She has the prettiest pouty lips you've ever seen, the loveliest almond shaped eyes, and sweet brown sugar skin. She is wearing pigtails, a red and white polka-dotted dress, and standing with her knee cocked "just so" in a dainty little pose! With one look - she has completely stolen our hearts!

We cannot stop staring at her photo, and have even printed and framed a copy already (that we may or may not be carrying from room to room in our house!) She is the background for both of our phones, and we are guilty of gazing again and again with a dreamy look in our eyes. I caught Rusty looking at her Monday night in utter adoration. When I asked him what he thought he sighed and said, "This is love at first sight." Friends... we. are. SMITTEN!

We've been amazed at how obvious it is that God hand-picked this little girl just for us! We have three pages of information on our daughter, and it reads as if she was our biological child. In the words of the orphanage staff, she is "chatty" and "self-willed". (Sound like anyone you know? ;) She is cheerful and smiles a lot... playful and friendly. She can play alone - but prefers to play in a group (our little extrovert!) She shares generously. She loves to listen to music and dance to the beat, and she loves accessories! (Apparently she examines all the jewelry visitors wear - especially necklaces.) She has a lovely Thai name (we will be keeping part of it as a middle name, though we haven't decided which part). One part of her name means "flower", and her Thai nickname means "rainwater". Kate is smart and a fast learner. She's also healthy - and the few minor health issues she has dealt with in the past are all, strangely enough, things that run in my family! (What are the odds?!)

About a year ago, as I was sharing some anxious thoughts with a friend about our adoption, I was given some very good advice. She told me simply, "You can't miss your child." She knew that no matter how the timing went for our home study, or matching - God had chosen a specific child for us, and us for her, and He would see to it that we were together someday. My friend was SO right. There are many other details I cannot share at this time that show His hand was in this match. We are incredibly grateful to witness the evidence of His work. This is definitely our little girl, and we already love her so much!

We know that we have had hundreds of people praying for our adoption for the past 4 years - and we can't thank you all enough for praying us through to this moment. We could not have made it this far without the love and support of our family and friends - and we need you now more than ever! Please help us pray our little girl HOME! The typical timeline for travel is 6-12 months (with some cases taking even longer). But the Lord has been speaking to my heart for a few weeks now, and I've been telling Rusty that I think we're traveling in August. (Even before we were matched, I just knew it was going to be August!) It's CRAZY I know - but something in my spirit just won't let this go. So we are believing God for a MIRACLE - that we will be going to get our baby girl sometime in August (just 3 months from now!) Will you pray in faith with us? We have already missed the first 3 years and 3 months of her little life, and we do not want to miss another moment!

"With man this is impossible, 

but with God all things are possible."

~ Matthew 19:26

"You are the God who performs miracles; 

you display your power among the peoples." 

~ Psalm 77:14

"If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer."

~ Matthew 21:22

"Now faith is confidence in what we hope for 

and assurance about what we do not see."

~ Hebrews 11:1

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*If you see me or Rusty out and about, or any of our immediate family members - feel free to ask to see Kate's picture! We'll be glad to show her off and tell you more about our darling little girl! 

Faith or Foolishness?

This week a package came in the mail for Kate. I don't let myself buy things for her often, because we have no idea how old or how big she will be when she comes home... but when I saw this little bunny dress I made an exception. (If you know me then you know I have a thing for bunnies! It's actually my nickname from my husband.) The dress was already on sale, and I knew it probably wouldn't be around once she came home. I asked Rusty if it was silly to buy it, and he said "if it will make you happy, then do it." So I did. And then I forgot about it...

Until the package came this week, right before Easter.

I opened it up, pulled it out, and sighed. As if he could read my mind Rusty said, "This is depressing." Holding tiny little dresses for a little girl we haven't even seen yet (after 4+ years of waiting) is pretty sad and depressing. "Maybe I shouldn't have ordered it", I replied. "What was I thinking?!" and before I could stop myself I went on... "I mean... is this FAITH, or foolishness? It feels pretty foolish..."

I've asked that question again and again in my heart the last few days. "Is this faith, or foolishness?" We have been been pursing this adoption for more than 4 years. We're getting very close to the 50 month mark. Our agency has taken away all timelines and are telling us to "just be patient". We are still not matched with a child. We don't even know who our daughter is. I've never known any other adoptive family who waited this long under these circumstances, or who faced the specific challenges and delays we have faced.

We are to the point now where most people don't ask for updates anymore. Many friends and some family members have asked if this is a scam? And if it's time to change agencies? Some have come right out and asked the hard question - "Do you really think this is going to work out? Do you really think this is going to happen? Or are they just going to keep stringing you along forever?!" Others have sent us information on waiting children from other countries, or the file for a domestic child. Our own agency even asked if we wanted to change to the Korea program!

I understand. This seems impossible. I know that we must seem absolutely pitiful as we wait, and wait, and wait helplessly. For the first few years I felt determined and SO full of faith. We would press on, do paperwork, buy things for her room, and our hope was high. But as time drags on and all we do is wait... well, it all starts to feel a little foolish. Trusting our agency is hard. Buying things for a child we STILL aren't matched with feels naive. Continuing to believe against ALL odds for this long feels foolish.

Because it is.

Is this FAITH or FOOLISHNESS? The answer is both.

You see, what is FAITH in God's eyes seems foolish to the world. What is the definition of faith anyway? It's belief in things unknown and unseen. "Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see." (Hebrews 11:1) If you really think about that, believing in something you've never seen before seems completely crazy! 

[Photo Credit]

Abraham waited for 25 years for the birth of Isaac. He was 75 years old when God first made him a promise - to make him "into a great nation" and to give specific land to his offspring (Genesis 12). Can you imagine being told you would have a child at that age?! In Genesis 15 we see that Abraham thought maybe he'd misunderstood - and that one of his servants would be an heir. But God confirmed a second time that it would be a son of his own flesh and blood. 11 years passed and still Abraham did not have a son. He and Sarah got tired of waiting... so she took matters into her own hands. She refused to believe God would fulfill His promise through her, and had Abraham sleep with a servant (Genesis 16). Abraham did have a son with Hagar - but that wasn't the fulfillment of the promise God had made Him. In Genesis 17 we read that God confirms - one more time (for this stubborn couple) that He will give him a son by his wife, Sarah. Sarah thought it sounded so impossible - so foolish - that she actually laughed out loud at God ! (Genesis 18) But we see in Genesis 21 that 25 years after God first spoke this promise to Abraham, Isaac was born! Sarah was 90 years old when she gave birth to her first child, and Abraham was 100. That's a long time to wait for a promise to be fulfilled. 

When I feel foolish, I need to remind myself that this wasn't my idea. I forget that sometimes... because we are so excited to adopt, and we already love Kate so much! But we didn't just randomly choose the most difficult country to adopt from for the fun of it! And this certainly wasn't the timing we would've picked. God chose this path for us. He began speaking to our hearts... then confirmed this calling very specifically again, and again, and again. I need to remember that more often - because if He called us to this, I know He will bring us through it!

I look back at the story of Abraham and Sarah's waiting (and Sarah taking matters into her own hands) and I'm reminded not to waver. I know that we could go a different direction. We could try to get pregnant and have biological children... we could adopt domestically... we could choose a different (easier, faster) international program. But that's not what God asked us to do. He didn't just say "have a child". He said, "you have a daughter waiting in Thailand... and I want you to go find her." Before we ever thought we were ready, He sent us on this journey... and I don't want to take a short cut and miss His blessing just because I'm tired of waiting. 

I think it's meaningful that God gave me this revelation to share on this day.  It's the Saturday before Easter. 2000 years ago, on this very weekend, a lot of people thought Jesus and His followers were pretty foolish... and crazy... and pitiful. Jesus was dead. Everyone saw him crucified... they saw the sword pierce his side... they saw him buried. It would be foolish for those who loved Him to do anything but mourn His death.

But that wasn't the end of the story. Jesus rose from the dead! Can you even wrap your mind around that?! Our Lord and Savior conquered DEATH. No one believed it was possible, but it happened. And now, it seems a little foolish that people didn't believe Jesus when He said He would do that very thing, doesn't it? 

The Saturday before Jesus rose from the dead must've been a dark, hopeless day. I told my husband that I feel like that's where we are right now. When it comes to our adoption, we are stuck on Saturday. We know there is a promise to be fulfilled... but it's hard to have faith that something so seemingly impossible could still happen!

Today I'm reminding myself that our Sunday is coming. Our miracle is on the way! The same God who was faithful to Abraham and Sarah will be faithful to us. The same God who conquered DEATH can surely handle completing our adoption. If He can bring Himself back from the grave... then I know He can bring our little girl home!