One Month In Our Arms

Christmas Eve marked one month since we met our beautiful doll... and December 29th was the one month anniversary of the day we got custody of her! One month of hugs and kisses. One month of sass and sweetness - sugar and spice! One month of hairbows, sparkly shoes, and princess songs. One month of tucking our little darling into bed each night and waking up to her smile each morning. One month of snuggles and giggles and beautiful memories together! This post will recap all of her "firsts" with us so far, and some of our favorite things about Kate - but for now let me just say - I have experienced more JOY in the past month with her than I ever imagined possible! At bedtime on our 1 month-iversary" when I said "I love you", she repeated it back to me three times before I turned off the light. I thought my heart might burst! 💗

I've had friends ask if every day with Kate is magical... and the truth is, most days are more comfortable than they are magical (and there is a sweetness in the "comfortable" too!) Most of the time, it honestly feels like she's been with us forever! She fits so beautifully into our family, and she's doing so well that we have to remind ourselves that we've only had her for a month! But every now and then, the magic sneaks up and surprises me. Suddenly an ordinary moment will feel so extraordinary - because the reality that she is HERE and she is OURS will set in anew. When I get to sing her to sleep.... it's magic. Seeing her play in her room for the first time had me crying happy tears in the corner. Watching her dance to Christmas music while I make breakfast, and seeing her sitting beneath our Christmas tree at night makes my heart swell! And while opening Christmas cards addressed to "The Jackson Family of THREE" or "Rusty, Ericka, & Kate Jackson" I could not hold back the tears. There are plenty of difficult times that we are still experiencing as we adjust to life together - but then there are these moments when our life with her feels so completely picturesque... like watching my daughter play with my Dad for the first time, and hearing the song "Cinderella"come on my Pandora app at that exact moment. Suddenly my Dad and I were singing Kate the song we danced to on my wedding day, while she giggled. I wanted time to stand still!

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We missed so many of Kate's "firsts" while we waited on her the past few years - first smile, first words, first steps... but we sure are enjoying the "firsts" we get to experience together! In the past month, Kate has enjoyed:

Her first tuk tuk ride in Chiang Mai (she would ride them all day every day if we’d let her! She LOVES tuk tuks!), first paddle boat ride in Bangkok (Swan Boats in Lumpini Park), first train ride at the Birmingham Zoo (for Zoo Light Safari), and her first airplane ride from Bangkok to Chiang Mai, Thailand! (Followed by the long trip home – Chiang Mai to Seoul to Atlanta to Bham!)

Kate also had what we believe was her first trip to the beach in Pattaya (it was just a few minutes in the carrier on our first day after custody - but we'll say it counts!), the aquarium in Bangkok (she loved the penguins, otters, sea turtles, and sea horses), and the Zoo in Chiang Mai (she loved the elephant, birds, and tiny monkeys!)

We've taken our little girl on her first shopping trips too – to the mall in Chiang Mai for her first (shiny silver) tennis shoes (she never wants to take them off now!), and to the night bazaar (she picked out a bracelet and a coin purse).

And of course our most favorite "first" so far, was having Kate here for her first Christmas HOME with her family!!! It's taking me longer than expected to update my blog (personal time is few and far between these days) - but I hope to have a recap of Christmas (and a video) to share here with you all soon!

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A few more things about Kate...

SLEEP

I prayed so hard that I would have a good little sleeper… while literally EVERYONE told me to kiss sleep goodbye. Luckily, God knew just what I needed! Kate sleeps anywhere from 9-12 hours a night (she even pulled a 14 hour night our first 2 nights home after travel!) She also takes a 1-2 hour nap most days. She is fully potty trained and only had one nighttime accident the first month with us. She loves bathtime before bed (she had never had a warm bath before... only cold showers at the orphanage due to the heat), putting on her PJs, and brushing her teeth. (One night she brushed them 8 times in a row!) We have only had 3 nights of “grief” that came either before or after a big move/transition (the first night of custody, then the night before the trip from Bangkok to Chiang Mai, and the night after we traveled from Chiang Mai home to America). She is a bit of a night owl and fights sleep at times (melatonin helps with that), but once she’s down – she is a sound sleeper! When she wakes up in the morning - she is a happy girl, who likes to stay in bed and snuggle a bit with Papa before eating breakfast. We loved co-sleeping with her in Thailand and our first few days home, but she decided on her own that she wanted to start sleeping in her own bed Christmas Eve Eve! (And her Mama cried! I wasn't ready for that yet!) She ends up in our bed sometime in the middle of the night still (each night), but I'm proud of how brave she is wanting to sleep in her own bed.

FOOD

She is a GREAT eater. She has eaten almost everything we’ve offered – at least while we were in Thailand (though we usually were offering familiar Thai food). She has been more picky now that we’re home, but we’ve tried to keep rice, noodles, and spaghetti (all her favorites) in rotation often. She has no food issues as far as we can tell – she does not hoard or overeat. She will even share snacks happily with Mama and Papa, and with her friends too! Her favorite "treats" are gummy bears, gingerale, sprite, and anything chocolate!

LANGUAGE

We have definitely slowed down her English acquisition with the fact that we speak basic Thai... but it's just been so much easier to actually be able to explain things in a way she can understand (instead of forcing English on her). We primarily spoke Thai to her in Thailand, but are working on more English now that we're home. Her English vocabulary right now consists of, "Mama, Papa, Baby, Puppy, Bunny, Pooh, Belle, Airplane, Yup, No, Yucky, Yummy, Banana, Apple, Medicine, Potty, Bath, Uh Oh, WOW, Please, and OTAY!" (okay) - plus some people's names (friends and family) - which I think is pretty good for only 2 weeks of English immersion. She will repeat other things, but these are words she uses on her own. She can also sing "Happy Birthday" in English (I think she learned that at the orphanage), and every time she sees a candle she thinks it's time to sing "Happy Birthday" and blow it out! Haha! (Her birthday is going to be so much fun!) She can also do a few of her ABC's and 123's (which is something she was learning at the orphanage in her English classes!)

FAVORITES

These are a few of Kate's favorite things (right now anyway!) After not really being interested in stuffed animals the first 1-2 weeks with us, she now loves her Pooh Bear, Belle doll, and Bunny. She is constantly watching “Tigger lah Pooh” (My friends Tigger and Pooh) and watching the videos (in Thai) of the songs "A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes", “How Does She Know”, and "The Farang Song"! She loves being tickled, dancing, and GOING! Whether it's in the car (she hasn't cried once getting into her carseat), a train, tuk tuk, or an airplane. She loves to watch the airplanes that come over our house too! 

Now that we're home she likes her baby dolls (she takes their clothes off and on a million times)... but during our hotel stays she loved playing “elevator" (our closet was her pretend elevator), playing with rolls of toilet paper (she would make herself clothes out of them! Haha! She looked like a mummy!), and playing with the phone in the hotel room (we had to detach the phone line so she wouldn't call other rooms!) She also loves the water – whether she’s swimming, taking a bath, or just playing in the faucet. Sometimes she’ll wash her hands a half dozen times just so she can continue to play! 

Kate loves animals, and is OBSESSED with "puppies" right now. She has watched the movie "Santa Buddies" (the one with the golden retriever characters) at least a hundred times since we got home! I don't think she's ever been around animals, and now she squeals every time she sees a dog. I am grateful that we have so many "puppies" on our street (a bulldog, german shepherd, corgi, golden doodle, and 2 labs) and for our sweet neighbors who patiently let her look at them and pet them all the time! 

At least once a day we play a little game we've made up called "Mai Sabai". Rusty asks Kate in Thai, "Sabaidee Mai?" (Are you well?) and if she wants to be tickled, she responds, "Mai Sabai!" (I am not well!) Then she gets tickled until she yells, "Sabaidee Mak Mak!" (I'm very, very good!) Her giggle is the new soundtrack to our lives! 

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In the midst of our brutally long wait to be matched with a child, I remember having an emotional conversation with a fellow adoptive mom one afternoon. I don't remember the details about what we said that day, but I do remember one thing she told me, "You cannot miss your child." She reminded me that God knew exactly who our daughter was, and that no matter how much time passed or how many errors we dealt with in our case, we couldn't possibly "miss" her. I wanted desperately to believe my friend, but at that time I thought, "How crazy. We could be matched with any number of kids, and the truth is - we'll love any child we are matched with." And while that might be true - after meeting Kate - there is not a doubt in my mind that she is specifically ours! It is no mistake she's in our family. All that waiting wasn't for "any child" - it was specifically for HER. She was handpicked from heaven for us, and it's so evident that she is OURS!

Kate is definitely Rusty’s child because she loves sweeping with her broom, and she always wants everything (including her) to be clean. If a single piece of spaghetti falls on the table she wants it wiped up on the spot! And if her hands and face get messy, she begs for a wet wipe! She also likes to take photos and videos (just like her photographer/videographer Papa). She has so much fun with her wooden toy camera – telling us where to stand and how to pose. And she has taken no less than 10,000 selfies and photos on our iPhones (usually pretty bad ones blocked by her little thumb. Haha!) She is also athletic like Papa, and can pitch and hit a foam ball with her foam bat, and catch and throw a football surprisingly well. And then there is the most special "sign" that she is Rusty's child... on our 2nd visit we realized that Kate has a birthmark on the back of her right hand – exactly like Rusty had when he was her age! Isn't that amazing?

She is definitely my child because – she is for sure a girly girl! Kate loves to have bows in her hair and at least once a day she'll put her hand on her hip, cock her head to the side and ask, "Soi mai kha?" (Am I pretty? YES you are baby girl!!!) She also loves to pose for photos just like her modeling Mama! Kate likes lotion, anything you can spray that smells good (perfume, hairspray, febreeze, essential oils, etc), and pretending to put on makeup. She LOVES shoes – and her first few days home she would rather change my shoes for me 15 times (I wore dress shoes with pajamas a lot those days!) than play with her toys! She also loves princess songs, princess dolls, and crowns. She got a Princess Sophia doll as a Christmas gift, and within 10 seconds of having her out of the box she’d taken her crown off to put it on herself! Haha! That’s my girl! (She was certainly named appropriately! ;) She likes to sing and dance – and loves to have music playing. She has already figured out how to work her toy microphone at home (thanks Aunt Kristian!) and in our hotel room in Chiang Mai she would pull the coffee table up to the bed to create a “stage” for herself to dance on! She also loves bunnies – which makes me smile! 

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There are so many other memories I wish I could record, but for now I want to write down a few more things I don’t want to forget about Kate at this age... like the smell of her sweet little head, how soft her skin is, and how her precious little voice sounds saying “Mama!”. The first time she kissed me, what she looks like when she's sleeping, and how her tiny hand fits into mine. Hearing her try to sing along to my worship music, hearing her read to herself in “toddler Thai”, and the sound of her giggle (it is the best sound in the world!) The first time she saw a photo of me dressed as Belle (she gasped and smiled!), her bragging to the other kids about how pretty her mama is (we were told she did this every day after our visits to the orphanage! So sweet!), seeing her mimic me and pretend to put on makeup in my lap, and the very first time she said, “Love you Mama!” 

If you're still reading this long post, and you're considering adoption (or even if you're not) - please say YES! Start the process NOW! Every child is precious, and every child deserves a family. Kate has been the biggest blessing we've ever received! There is no way I could ever love a biological child more than I love this little girl. I can't believe that we could've missed her if we had said "no" to adoption - or if we'd given up when things got hard. My worst day with her is so much better than my best day without her. She was absolutely worth the wait! 💗 

Welcome Home Kate!

We are HOME with our beautiful daughter. 

We are finally home with her in our arms... and it still feels completely surreal! 

We left Chiang Mai, Thailand around midnight on Saturday night, December 17th - which was hard on our little girl who loves to sleep! Kate usually gets anywhere from 9-12 hours of sleep a night. Our first 5 hour flight was a rough one - with it being in the middle of the night, we had a very sleepy, fussy girl on our hands. She cried hysterically for the last hour - and we were so afraid the rest of the travel day would look the same way! But as soon as we got her out of the plane to play in the Seoul airport, she was our happy girl again! We ran around with her a LOT there, boarded our 13 hour flight to Atlanta, and she slept peacefully for 6-7 hours! She finished the flight by playing with the kiddos in front of us (they shared stickers back and forth through the seats for an hour. She is such a good sharer!) She even hugged them goodbye - it was precious!

When we landed in Atlanta, I started getting emotional. After the traumatic 5 year process we have been through - I could barely believe we were finally on US soil with our daughter!!! I got teary when we saw the US Immigration sign, and cried when we hit the customs line. Our adoption still won't be completely final for another 1-2 years (we still have to do post placement reports, finalization in the US, and finalization with the Thai consulate) - but having her here in America is such a HUGE step!!! She was fantastic through customs (we have such a great kid ya'll!), and was excited to let me change her into her cute Christmas PJ's before our final flight HOME!

I was not prepared for how emotional that last flight would be. Many of you who have been following our story on Instagram and Facebook know that Kate has been pushing me away a lot - sometimes all day, every day. It's been hard and heartbreaking. But it has slowly gotten better and better - and on our travel days we finally turned a corner! She finally started asking for me again - wanting to sit in my lap sometimes, and rarely pushed my hand away when I reached out to comfort her. She started the final flight on Rusty's lap, but once we took off she decided she wanted to sit with me!

What happened next felt like a dream. She got out my phone because she wanted to listen to music (this little girl loves music, loves to hear Mama sing, and has already started dancing and trying to sing along when she hears us play songs in English!) She especially loves worship songs. I turned on my playlist for our trip - which includes the song "Mine To Love" - our song for Kate's adoption.  Every time I have heard this song for the past 4 years - I have seen our little girl in my mind. A mini video would play in my head and heart each time I heard those words... of us meeting her for the first time... hugging and kissing her for the first time... hearing her giggle and seeing her smile... and of course, us coming home with her. Well, imagine my surprise when she took out the earbuds we'd given her, put one in my ear so that I could hear too, and happened to "skip" to the song, "Mine to Love". It came on just as we started our descent to Birmingham, and I could not hold back the tears. (Luckily, she was focused on the phone and couldn't see me crying!)

More than anything, I wanted to walk into our Airport Homecoming with my daughter in my arms. I've dreamed of that moment for years... but with her preferring Rusty so strongly, I just knew it wasn't going to happen. There have been a lot of times in this process that I felt like God was distant... but on this day, I was reminded that He is very present, and He is still a God of detail. Kate wanted Mama after the flight - and that's what she got! We rushed through the airport with butterflies in our stomachs, hearts beating faster than ever, and the biggest smiles on our faces! Kate hopped on the escalator holding Mama's hand (she wanted to ride it with her Pooh Bear!), and my darling little girl was in my arms when we ran into our parents' arms!

I am crying again as I type this blog and see these photos. More than anything I wanted to sit down and sob in that airport - tears of relief, JOY, and thanksgiving! But Kate has never seen me cry - and I didn't want to scare her when she was doing so well! So I let myself cry a little (as you can see in the photos below - I couldn't help but cry the moment I had my baby girl in my arms, and I had made it back to my mama's arms!), but I tried to hold back the tears (until I came home and truly let them go once I saw her playing happily in her beautiful room!)

[Introducing Kate to her Yaai and Dtah! (my parents)] 

[This was such a special moment! I'm so grateful my mom made it through her spinal surgery well 

and was able to be at the airport to meet her first grandchild! I couldn't hold back the tears!!!]

[Kate meeting some of her soon to be best friends - Piper, Karis, and Evie - as all her grandparents look on!]  

She was a total HAM at the airport - LOVING the attention, and putting on a show for everyone! Every time we counted "nung, song, sam!" (one, two, three!) for a photo she would throw her hand into the air and yell - "YAY!!!" It was hilarious! She loved meeting her family and friends (those who could make it) - just as long as she was in Mama or Papa's arms (which shows great attachment! We were really pleased to see that!) Towards the end when the crowd thinned out, she would run back and forth to me and Rusty and jump into our arms to be spun around. (I told ya'll - she loves to put on a show! Haha!) She is just so much fun!!!

[Kate with her Yaai & Dtah] 

[Kate with her Tutu and Pappy] 

[Kate meeting all her new friends! These babies have helped pray her home, and they were all SO excited!]

December 18th will always be a special day in this family! To everyone who came to welcome us at the airport (and to Heather who took these beautiful photos - and Kali who shot the video that we'll share here soon) - we can't thank you enough! We know this is a busy time of year, but it meant the world to us to see your smiling faces (and special signs!) when we came down that escalator! You gave us such a beautiful homecoming, and it is a memory that we will never forget. Thank you for being there to welcome Kate home at last!

And now, our "Happily Ever After" begins... ♥♥♥

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I apologize that this update was delayed a few days, but our first few days home we were both deliriously happy - and delirious from exhaustion. Haha! A 26 hour travel day + jet lag with a 3 year old will really wear you out! Luckily we have an awesome little sleeper - she got 14 hours the first two nights home, and 9 hours the next two nights. These days we are sleeping when she sleeps though - because she insists we go to bed together (we are co-sleeping) which means we aren't getting much of anything done, but that's okay! We go to bed early, wake up early, and play with her all day every day. Our bags are still mostly packed, we have up minimal Christmas decorations (a barely decorated tree + stockings is it this year!), and we can't leave the house without her getting extremely upset (there is still fear that we won't come back!) - so our 2 trips out have had to be as a family of three. This is why "cocooning" is so important! She is still learning what it means to have a family! 

These first few days home we've been focused primarily on giving Kate as much attention as she wants. This is another big transition for her, and she's in a house with walls between us (she can't see us if she's in another room here - versus our time in Thailand where we were in studio style hotel rooms!) So we play a lot together wherever she wants to be, and we come running every time we hear "Mama! Papa!" so that she knows we're there! 

She is getting to know the neighborhood children and loving having playmates again! Right now she is outside riding her little pink tricycle with "Papa" and our neighbor friends - so I was able to sneak away and post this blog. Stay tuned for more updates (just as soon as I can slip away and write them!) We have so much we want to share about our beautiful little girl! 

Introducing Our Daughter...

Today is our little girl's half-birthday. Kate is officially 3 and 1/2 years old. I can't tell you how difficult it is to watch the months pass by as she continues to grow up without us. As much as we wish we could be celebrating this milestone with our daughter (since we have missed all 3 of her actual birthdays), we did want to at least mark the day by sharing something special.

About a month after we were matched with our daughter, we received some additional photos of our beautiful little girl. This is a rare gift that we did not know we would be blessed with. Many families only get their referral photo when adopting internationally, but our sweet Kate is at a wonderful, well-staffed, Catholic orphanage, and they document the children's lives with both photos and reports. So we are blessed to have a few priceless photos of her from 20 days old, until now. It is hard to watch her grow up in these pictures, knowing that we have missed so much... but at the same time it is such a gift to be able to see how beautiful she was at each precious stage of her life!

So today, on her half-birthday, we would like to introduce you to our daughter...

Introducing our daughter... from Rusty Jackson on Vimeo.

[We still are not allowed to publicly share photos of our daughter, so this is a password protected video. If you are a family member or friend, you are welcome to contact us for the password. We ask that those with the password please do not post this link on social media, or share the password with strangers. Thank you for understanding!]

The song you'll hear while watching is one that is very near and dear to our hearts. We have thought of "Mine to Love" by Dave Barnes as "Kate's Song" since we first heard it live at one of his concerts several years ago. To be able to see her photos set to this song after so many years of waiting is a very special thing. We hope you enjoy the song, and the photos of our beautiful little girl! Please continue to pray for a miracle of August travel dates. We are so anxious to hold her in our arms!